Alienation: What Is It?

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines alienation as "a withdrawing or separation of a person or a person's affections from a position of former attachment." In separation and divorce, you are not only alienated from your former mate, but also from relatives, friends, and sometimes from the church.

Dr. Myles Munroe says, "When a person gets divorced, you often see the opposite of what happens in a physical death. Your family may back away from you, seeing you as a failure, a loser. Some people in the church may back away from you. Society backs off from you; they see you as someone whose life didn't work. When you divorce, you end up lonely, isolated, rejected, and dejected, which adds to the trauma.

"Being divorced is bad enough, but to have your family or your church turn against you, that makes the hurt even worse. A person who has been divorced ends up in a state that God never intended, and that is the state of isolation."

God does not intend for you to be alienated from other people, and He certainly does not intend for you to be apart from Him. God loves you unconditionally. While your family and friends are wrong to alienate you, separation from God only occurs if you are the one backing away from Him.

Keep in mind that while you may feel alienated from some people in the church, your best opportunity to find help and support remains in the context of a local church family.

"Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6).

DivorceCare will be held every Thursday
at the Church of the Nazarene in Westlock
starting September 17th at 7:00 p.m.

The Level of Pain

"I thought, 'There's no way anyone can survive this kind of pain. You can't have this kind of pain and live,'" says Yvette. "It was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life. I kept thinking, I'll soon die. Then I realized I wasn't going to die, and I would pray: 'Lord, please take my life.'"

The level of pain you are feeling is beyond the comprehension of someone who has not been through divorce. People around you may mean well, but they cannot understand how deep the pain cuts and why it would have such an extreme effect on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your life.

DivorceCare will be held every Thursday

at the Church of the Nazarene in Westlock

starting September 17th at 7:00 p.m.

You don’t have to go through it alone

Most people will tell you that separation and divorce are the most painful and stressful experiences they’ve ever faced. It’s a confusing time when you feel isolated and have lots of questions about issues you’ve never faced before.

DivorceCare will be held every Thursday

at the Church of the Nazarene in Westlock

starting September 17th at 7:00 p.m.

Where do you turn?

Steve is the kind of guy no one thought divorce could ever find.

“You get the warning signals. You briefly consider whether you should prepare; then you think, No, that couldn’t happen to me.” Then suddenly separation and divorce rips through your life like a tornado, crushing and destroying everything in your life. You feel like a bottomless pit has opened up beneath you and there is no hope. There is not one facet of your life that is left untouched. Every minute in North America, two marriages fail and 2,100 children hear, “We’re separating.”

“I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, and no one would talk with me or even listen to my fears”. “People kept telling me “Get on with your life… there is someone out there for you.”

When he figured out that a divorce was inevitable, Steve wanted to do something positive, not just sit around and let his thoughts weigh him down. That's when he found Jean's DivorceCare class at the Church of the Nazarene.

Steve decided to go in with an open mind. "You're worried that since you're going through a divorce, you've got this big, black mark on you, but what I found was people going through the same thing I was. There's a fellowship that develops."

DivorceCare, is a 13-week series that addresses all the feelings and emotions people experience when going through separation or divorce, and it equips them with tools to understand and work through these feelings.

Steve calls DivorceCare “the emergency room where people can come to get the help they need in a safe atmosphere”. It is the trauma center for people whose lives have been ripped apart by the divorce tornado.

There are over 30 Christian counselors and ministers who speak on the videos addressing topics such as Anger, Depression, Loneliness, How Divorce Affects the Children, What the Bible Says About Divorce, Forgiveness, Reconciliation and Single Sexuality. “On the videos are real people who have gone through divorce and are expressing their feelings and emotions; there was always someone on the videos that I could relate to”.

"You don't really realize all of the emotions and uncertainty inside you when you start out" he said. "The good thing is that while you're dealing with all of those issues, you can have a place where people understand you."

Westlock’s Church of the Nazarene is one of over 10,000 churches around the world that offer DivorceCare, a non-denominational faith-based program that tries to help people whose marriages have fallen apart.

In the end, the mostly negative experience of his divorce ended up strengthening Steve’s faith. "You sometimes wonder why God would let you go through something like this." "But now, I'm getting to serve other people, and that's wonderful."

Steve has lead 13-week DivorceCare programs for more than five years. "We're very open about having a spiritual approach and for some people, that's a bit of a turnoff, at least at first. We also have strict rules about confidentiality."

Each of the groups Steve has taught has been different ranging in size from three to fifteen people. “The fellowship among participants probably does not form immediately. Participants may be wary of one another, especially depending on the cause of the separation”. DivorceCare allows people to sit down and talk with others who are in the same situation. "People enjoy the way it's set up - the support side, the video side and the Bible study," he said. "You can move as slowly or quickly as needed through each session."

Even if a divorce occurred long ago, the program has been known to help people find solace years later. Steve has faith that the program can be beneficial: "I've seen some real positive results."

DivorceCare will be held every Thursday at the Church of the Nazarene in Westlock starting September 17th at 7:00 p.m.

Why Divorce Hurts So Much

"It's pretty natural to expect hurt when a mate leaves, but I was not prepared for the level of hurt or the level of pain I felt," says Steve.

The pain of divorce is much deeper and more soul wrenching than most people can imagine, unless they have been through it themselves. Divorce can mean the end of your hopes and dreams, the end of your life as you have known it, a loss of control, and feelings of rejection, loneliness, and blame. There is anger, depression, helplessness, bitterness, resentment, feelings of worthlessness, and guilt. The list goes on and on.

"I was afraid that once I opened that door, the intensity of what I was feeling would break me into little pieces," says Marie. "I'd be scattered all over the floor in little tiny scraps, and I'd never be able to pull myself back together."

You will not be able to "hurry up and get over it." That is not possible. Instead, start by making a commitment to take a small step forward every day. Marie says, "Gradually God has put the pieces back together, and the pieces that I don't have anymore, the severing of the part of me that was bonded with my husband, God has healed and replaced. He's in the process of finishing that up."

DivorceCare... starts Thursday 7pm

Find help and healing for the hurt of a broken relationship, separation and divorce

Healing from your broken relationship, separation or divorce is not easy.
It’s a long, sometimes painful process.

We want to help you on your journey toward recovery. Don’t try to go through your broken relationship, separation or divorce alone. Link up with a DivorceCare divorce recovery support group. It’s a place where you’ll find caring people who understand the issues you face.

DivorceCare... starts Thursday 7pm

What's Happening?

Divorce is like a tornado—ripping through your life, threatening to destroy everything in its path. The emotional whirlwinds bring fear, confusion, and despair, affecting you, your children, family members, and friends. You will likely wonder Why did this storm hit my life and why does it hurt so much?

Dr. Jim A. Talley says, “The reality is that divorce is the most painful thing you can go through because it impacts so much of your life. There’s no way around or easy way out. And everybody is looking for a painless way out of this whole situation.”

It is easier to clean up the physical damage of a tornado than the emotional damage caused by divorce.

“I hated life,” says Ginny. “I woke up every morning, and I absolutely hated it. I hated the pain that I woke up with and the pain that I went to sleep with.”

You may wish you could get through the pain quicker, but healing is a process, a day-by-day, moment-by-moment process. In order to experience any level of recovery, you must see it through. There are no shortcuts. But take heart, in the coming days and weeks you will see it is possible to heal and to look to the future with hope.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

DivorceCare... starts Thursday 7pm