Tuesday, June 22, 2010

"I Need to Be Reassured of My Virility/Attraction"

Divorce delivers a strong blow to your feelings of worth and desirability. As a result, you are vulnerable in situations where someone is attracted to you.

Bonnie Keen says, "After divorce there is a tremendous need for touch and for somebody to affirm your sexuality. It's wise to say, 'Okay, I know that I'm vulnerable here.'" Because you have this knowledge of yourself, you can prepare in advance to avoid those situations and find other self-affirming activities to do.

When someone affirms your sexual desirability, you may be tempted to have sex to prove a point to your former spouse. You may think, You didn't think me desirable, but I'll prove that somebody thinks I'm attractive and fun to be with and that I'm a good sexual partner.

You do not need to prove anything to anyone. God knows you; He knows your heart; and He places tremendous value on your inner and outer beauty.

Elsa Kok says, "God is saying 'You don't have to go there. If you feel you aren't irresistible, come to Me. I'll remind you how precious you are. I'll remind you how beautiful you are. You may want to be irresistible. But trust me, for a relationship, it's okay to be resistible."

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

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