Friday, October 23, 2009

Anger and Blame

"Anger is a defense mechanism where you take whatever is bothering you and is wrong within you, then you project it on another person and blame him or her for it. Frequently the other person accepts the blame, which satisfies you temporarily but doesn't solve the problem," says Dr. Robert Abarno.

Blame is a natural reaction to your loss. You feel as though you need to blame someone: your former spouse, God, yourself, friends, or the person with whom your spouse had an affair.

"The other woman became more and more of a scapegoat in my mind because it was easy for me to hate her," says Harriet. "So I heaped coals on her head. She might as well have been a witch riding a broomstick because in my mind she grew worse, with a forked tail and cloven hooves."

The problem with blame, though, is what it leads to. Blame and anger work together to produce resentment. When you fuel your anger with accusations and the self-justified shifting of responsibility, you will begin to burn with resentment. From resentment comes bitterness. Bitterness is a steady disease that eats you from the inside out, but seldom affects the object of your bitterness.

"Resentment kills a fool" (Job 5:2).

"Don't you realize that this will end in bitterness?" (2 Samuel 2:26).

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