Grief Is Legitimate

Grief can be described as an overwhelming, unpredictable mass of emotions that bombard you and threaten to take over your life for an extended period of time. These emotions are your body's natural response to the loss and pain that occur in a divorce.

You will hinder your healing if you try to suppress the emotions of grief. Your losses are legitimate and must be faced. Many people say that the loss associated with divorce is worse than the loss of a spouse through death:

"In death there is closure because the person has died," says Dr. Linda Mintle. "In divorce, your ex-spouse is still out there. And, if you've had children with that person, chances are you will meet again under any number of circumstances, such as graduations, weddings, the birth of a grandchild, or at other significant events in your life. This kind of open-ended, ongoing relationship makes closure more difficult."

Wayne says, "Divorce is worse than death because in divorce that person chose to leave you. In death so many times the person did not choose to leave, and you know that he or she died loving you; whereas in divorce it's not like that. Your ex-spouse is gone, and he or she wanted to leave."

In divorce, you are mourning the death of a relationship that is no longer available to you, even though the people involved are still here. This is so difficult!

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge" (Psalm 62:8).