The Losses in Your Divorce

To help you understand why you hurt so deeply, it's important that you understand what you have lost in the breakup of your marriage. Yes, you have lost your mate, but you also may have lost your dreams, your future plans, friends, relatives, finances, your daily helpmate, and sometimes your personal or professional status. You may be experiencing many losses associated with your children.

H. Norman Wright says, "Each day you will discover new losses that you never planned on."

Recovery involves being aware of your losses.

Mr. Wright continues, "If you've experienced a number of crises in your life or a number of ongoing losses, this is another loss. If you've not yet recovered from those other losses, then this could take you longer to recover from because you're trying to balance several losses at the same time."

Your past losses directly affect how you cope with your current losses and the level of your pain. This activity can help you to recognize and deal with your past and current losses.

1. Think of losses from the past: friends, jobs, pets, promotions, family members—losses that occurred as a result of divorce, death, or other reasons.

2. Write these losses down and read them out loud.

3. Once you have written past losses down, move on to recent losses. What specific losses are you experiencing now? Some suggestions are listed above: daily helper, financial support, status, and time with children. What can you add to the list? Be specific—cook, housekeeper, driver, bill-payer, gardener, lover, friend, house, car, responsibilities.

4. Read your recent losses out loud.

"Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me" (Lamentations 3:20 NASB).