Defining Anger

Dr. Les Carter says that having anger means standing up for your own worth, needs, and convictions.

"You don't get angry when folks are kind, pleasant, or understanding. Anger shows up when someone has rejected you or is being uncooperative, or when a person is being critical, harsh, or difficult to get along with. When anger appears on the scene, it arouses your sense of self-preservation.

"You want to preserve one of three things. You want to preserve your worth as a human being; your anger can be your way of wishing to say, 'Please, show me some respect, will you?' Anger can be your way of preserving your basic needs: 'Recognize that I have needs, and acknowledge them, please.' Or anger can be a way that you stand up for your deepest convictions. It is your way of saying, 'I believe in things, and I don't want to back away from them.'"

You will feel anger at some point in your divorce. Do not try to deny or suppress this emotion. God does not condemn you for your anger when it is justified. God Himself is described as "slow to anger"—not "never angry."

"And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, 'The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness'" (Exodus 34:6).