Monday, November 23, 2009

Source of Anger: Pride

Divorce hurts your pride, and wounded pride can lead to anger.

You may be angry with your former spouse
* for not trying hard enough to make the marriage work
* for making it public that he or she is rejecting you
* for seeming to disregard what was good in the marriage
* for making you look foolish because you didn't know what was going on
* for putting you in an awkward social position

"You plan to spend fifty years with a person," says James, "and the next thing you know life is cut out from underneath you. I would say the anger comes from wanting vindication, wanting justification, and wanting to prove to other people that it was a good marriage."

You naturally want to be accepted. You want other people to approve of and respect you. But in divorce, egos get bruised. You are forced into socially uncomfortable positions. Past friendships no longer fit. Your life and your problems are suddenly exposed and seem to be an open forum for other people to discuss and offer their advice and opinions on. You wonder just how much friends, family, or coworkers have known about the situation all along.

It is okay to want to be accepted, but know that divorce does result in hurt pride. Do not be concerned about what people are saying or thinking about you, and don't let your pride be a source of uncontrolled anger at your former spouse.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" (Proverbs 11:2).

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