Dealing with Depression: Identify the Loss

Let's look at some positive steps you can take to deal with your depression. The first step is to identify your losses.

"The divorce represents many, many losses," says Dr. Archibald Hart, "so you've got to try to identify the most significant loss first. Deal with that, move to the next significant loss. You may find that you've got quite a bit of work to do as you cycle through the various losses, but you have to identify the loss because you cannot grieve a loss that you don't know."

Beyond the loss of a spouse, you have to grieve many other significant losses. Perhaps you were forced to move from your home. Your ex-spouse may have gained custody of your children. Friends you had as a couple may pull back from you. Perhaps you haven't balanced a checkbook for years because your former spouse took care of finances; this too is a loss. You might not know how to cook meals or shop for a good vehicle since you lost the person who normally handled these things for you. Your list of losses can go on and on.

If you do not know what you are depressed about, then you cannot expect to get over it. It may help to write down each specific loss. Have a list that you can add to and subtract from as needed. Over the next three days we will discuss what to do with the losses you have identified today.

"I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss" (Lamentations 3:20 NLT).