Forgiveness is a sign of true healing, and it is one of the most difficult things to do in a divorce situation. Forgiveness also takes time.
Forgiveness might be easier if you approach it in steps. The first step could be to seek forgiveness for hurtful things you have said or done in anger—start by going to your former spouse and asking forgiveness for specific words or incidents. Then, forgive yourself for those specific things.
"I truly worked on trying to forgive myself," says Susan, "but I think I tried too fast to cover up the anger that I felt. It was a very, very deep cut. What ended up happening is that each little brush that I would have with my ex regarding finances, or any little hurt that would happen to my children or to me, he would scrape that surface off again, and I hadn't really cleaned the wound out yet. I never really truly let all the anger and the frustration come out."
If you are struggling to repent of your hurtful words and spiteful actions, perhaps you, too, still have anger that needs to be released and not harbored. Continue to find ways to express your anger in a productive, healthy way. Then, confess any out-of-control anger to God, to the person it was directed against, and to yourself.
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" (James 5:16).
"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered" (Psalm 32:1).