How you respond to problems is one indicator of how much you have stabilized since the divorce. Significant spiritual and emotional stability are necessary before even considering a new relationship.
"When a problem hits you and really hits you hard, do you have a panicked feeling or do you have problem-solving attitude that will carry you through?" asks Gary Richmond.
When Jim and Lauren met, Jim had been divorced for three years, she for just days. Their courtship was quick. They married ten months after her divorce. But the excitement of the new relationship quickly faded and the reality of day-to-day living set in.
Lauren says, "It was hard because even though our spiritual walk had strengthened, we had not dealt with all the insecurities from our past experiences. We didn't want to be hurt again. We didn't want to feel rejected. We wanted to guard our emotions. We were both struggling for control the whole time. The fights get pretty bad when two people are trying to be in control. The other thing was that we were both insecure because of our first marriages. We had not gotten to the point where we felt safe and secure within ourselves."
When the problems came, Jim and Lauren were not prepared to deal with them properly because they had not healed fully from their previous marriages. They did not have security and wholeness as single individuals. When two individuals who are not secure in themselves come together in a relationship, the results can be catastrophic.
"For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you" (Isaiah 41:13).